Recently I took a reprieve from my usual lineup of Schwarzenegger films and Seinfeld reruns to view a movie that I’d slotted on my cinematic hit list years ago but had lacked all conviction to actually sit my ass down and view. That film was 2010’s The Fighter, which stars Mark Wahlberg as a man with a Boston accent and Christian Bale as a person with intense emotional problems and possibly bulimia. Oh, there’s also some boxing in it too, I guess.
I did not love this movie – which apparently puts me in a minority group with less representation than Asian stand-up comedians – but neither did I think it was necessarily bad. I’ll concede it was competently made (until the finale – we’ll get to that), well-acted, and presumably well-written (it can be hard to tell through all that wicked pissa Bostonspeak, yah suh). My immediate problem with The Fighter is that it represents a crossover between two genres that I take greater pains to avoid than personal interactions with the elderly – sports-related movies and dysfunctional family dramas.
Continue reading The Fighter: Nondescript Drama with a False Climax
When I looked back on 2017 in preparation for this list, I realized I actually liked most of what I saw. Maybe it was a rare quality year for cinema (unlikely), or maybe I’ve just become increasingly scrupulous about the films I choose to view (bang on). Whatever the case, after slotting the eight films I loved enough to purchase on DVD, I found it was a bit of a challenge to sort through the plethora of other films I just sort of liked in a ‘Good 7’ kind of way but don’t harbour much enthusiasm for. This pool of films included The Founder, John Wick 2, War for the Planet of the Apes, Wind River, Spider-Man: Homecoming, and The Meyerowitz Stories, which were all certainly good but not good enough that I’d brand any of them Top Ten material.
Continue reading 2017 Top Ten List
Ahh, Christmas time – a festive season of peace, love, and goodwill extended to everyone you spent the rest of the year flipping off. Families congregate under chintzy decorations and pretend to tolerate one another over extravagant feasts, Die Hard loops endlessly on an impulsively-purchased 4K TV, and everyone represses all their inner rage that’s been mountain since the last election and forces some good cheer on a holiday that’s devolved into a cynical capitalistic cash-grab.
Seems like a good a time as any to discuss Mayhem – no, silly reader, not the state of Warner Bros’s accounting department following Justice League’s opening weekend; I’m talking about the new action-horror-comedy extravaganza by world-famous director (reads off cue card) Joe Lynch. Since premiering at Cannes back in May it’s been heralded by critics as Office Space meets The Purge, and since viewing it myself I’d personally add the endorsement ‘on cocaine’ to fully capture its spirit.
Continue reading Mayhem: It’s Exactly What it Sounds Like
Marvel’s latest popcorn-muncher, Thor: Asgardian Rhapsody, premiered this month to critical acclaim, serving audiences a god’s portion of colourful, lighthearted, and (barring a few ‘edgy’ words) family-friendly entertainment and proceeding to earn Disney somewhere in the vicinity of ninety-two zillion dollars.
I wrote that paragraph at the end of October in complete confidence it would prove itself to be true – not because I’m some kind of absurdly intelligent Sherlock-figure who can determine the outcome of any given scenario courtesy of a supercomputer brain coupled with increasingly lazy writing – but because Disney is at the top of its A-game in regards to its Marvel properties and has yet to truly fail.
With something like seventeen bloody installments of the MCU in the can, Disney has all but mastered a formula for bona fide theatrical enjoyability combined with a guaranteed financial return that largely consists of making everything look and feel like Guardians of the Galaxy, and after a glance at their future release schedule it’s evident they’re only gaining momentum. Strap on your seat belts, kids, because we’re going to get nine Marvel movies a year until we’re all rotting in the ground.
Continue reading Thor: Ragnarok and the Marvel Problem
Having established in my inaugural piece that I’ll largely be using my shiny new digital soapbox to dissect films with little immediate relevance, I’d like to dedicate the next few pages to a movie that filled me with fear and loathing upon release and continues to gnaw at me today.
That movie is 2015’s Jurassic World, a soft reboot of the Jurassic Park franchise that spent its opening weekend grossing a cool half-billion and the remainder of its theatrical run somehow convincing an entire planet it was something worth seeing.
After the logical yet disjointed walkathon-turned-Godzilla-homage that was 1997’s The Lost World and the poorly-rendered incremental snooze-fest that was 2001’s Jurassic Park III, the series returned to Isla Nublar and its theme park roots with Jurassic World for a brand new adventure that, not unlike The Force Awakens, basically repackaged its first one, minus all the emotional resonance.
Continue reading Jurassic World: The Devolution of Wonder
Strictly speaking, this list kick-started this entire venture. I had written it on a Sunday afternoon in January of 2017 in a fit of boredom and posted it to Facebook on a whim — the positive reaction from my peers inspired me to take a dip into the sacred waters of scholarly thought and emerge as the SnootyFilmCritic, ready to take on the film industry with naught but my laptop and an intense disdain for stupidity. I post it here affectionately as the post that started it all.
I recall 2016 being a tedious year for films. 2015 satisfied my palate with the likes of Mad Max, Sicario, It Follows, Ex Machina, Kingsmen, Inside Out, and the criminally underrated Krampus, among others, but alas, the barren, arid entertainment wasteland that was 2016 forced me to scour every Indie nook and film fest cranny for something actually good to occupy all ten slots on my annual roster. Continue reading 2016 Top Ten List
As far back as I can remember I wanted to be a gangster—I mean, film critic. Ahem, yes of course, that’s what I meant (though now that I mention it, it’s relatively easy to confuse gangsters and film critics — both operate within exclusive secret societies, neither can claim to have a legitimate job on their tax returns, and their members are known to die unceremoniously before their time).
This no doubt comes as a shock of defibrillating proportions to anyone in my life who’s ever attempted to watch a movie with me for more than seven seconds, but it’s true – writing professionally for a major website (that may or may not rhyme with PlogerPlebert.plom) is a gig I’d basically kill for. Unfortunately, until some media mogul decides to pay me for my opinions, I’m afraid I have minimal interest in devoting my free time and extra money to reviewing contemporary films in time for them to be relevant to Joe and Jane Moviegoer – even if I did, they already have Rotten Tomatoes or Half in the Bag for that. Continue reading Get Out: A Lesson in Effective Storytelling